This weekend I participated in the best tournament I’ve had in years. Giant Fanatic has been the Warhammer Fantasy flagship in Denmark for 17 years, but sensing – Age of Sigmar related – blood in the water, the Warmachine community turned up to recruit this year.
As you’ll know if you’ve followed the Un-mothballing project, my lists for the tournament were… shall we say, less than optimal.
Iron Lich Asphyxious, Scavengers of the line T4– Cankerworm– Deathripper– Slayer– Slayer– Slayer– Slayer– Slayer– Slayer– Slayer
Bane Thralls (Leader & 5 Grunts)
Necrotech & 1 Scrap ThrallNecrotech & 1 Scrap ThrallNecrotech & 1 Scrap Thrall3 Scrap Thrall3 Scrap Thrall
Objective: Fuel Cache
Skarre, Queen of the Broken Coast
Satyxis Blood Witches (Leader & 5 Grunts)
– Satyxis Blood Hag
– Scrap Thrall
– Scrap Thrall
– Scrap Thrall
Scrap Thralls (3)
Scrap Thralls (3)
Scrap Thralls (3)
Objective: Fuel Cache
I had won a few practice games with the Skarre2 list, and lost one with Asphyxious1 against Morvahna2, but that was the full extent of my experience with the lists, and with a metric ton of bad match-ups I suffered no illusions about my eventual placement in the tournament. I stayed true to my word and grabbed a glorious 19th place, but the games themselves were so incredibly fun that you guys need some highlights.
Game 1 Vs. Erik
Erik told me has was an old Mk1 player recently returned, and this was his first tournament after getting back. I thought it would be a good game to drop Asphyxious1 because he had Lylyth2 in his lineup, because since Skarre2 can’t feat on Colossals I was going to lose my Kraken to his feat turn, and that would leave me completely boned.
He had a Carnivean, double Ravagores, Angelius, Bolt Thrower, a Naga, and some support. I won the roll to go first and with the placement of my many many many wreck markers I got to run every single Slayer into cover, which turned out to be surprisingly legit against Lylyth2.
He moves up and has just about everything in range to wipe me with his feat turn, but sadly he remembers that Eyeless Sight doesn’t ignore cover and suddenly seven heavies with 17/17 stats seem like a lot. He elects not to feat and does very little to my Slayers.
I produced a TON of Scraps in the first turn (18 on 3d6 to be precise) so I ponder my options for a bit. The scenario is recon and I already have models in the zone, so I conclude that I have no reason to even move because he has to come to me the following turn, or I can kill his objective, teleport to a flag, and start scoring massive points, so I camp another turn in the wrecks and produce more Scraps. I actually ran out here because the Necrotechs had some kind of contest going between them and produced 17 scraps on 3d6 that turn.
He has to feat this turn and it hurts a little bit, but Asphyxious is camping full and in a trench so he’s not going down, and all my heavies remain 17/17 so none of them suffer any significant damage. He’s now looking at seven fully operational Slayers and almost 40 Scrap Thralls, and I run him over completely, taking a 5-0 scenario victory in the first game.
Game 1 Vs. Andreas Holm
Serious business now, as this would be a battle for Svenne, the horrible little doll I’ve turned into an ongoing thing between the Swedes an Danes. If a Swede wins it, he has to keep it until a Dane beats him in a tournament, and vice versa of course. Holm had Machine Minds & Skarre2 while I had Asphyxious1 and Skarre2, so obviously we ended up playing Skarre2/Skarre2, but as it turns out Holm is a better Skarre2 player than I am!
I win the first turn and run up, and then I brain fart thinking Deathjack is safe with Admonition, but he has Admonition as well. Holm pulls out all the stops and feats on his first turn, catapulting his Deathjack into my Deathjack on the first turn, wrecking mine and gaining a massive advantage. It was laughing all the way through, and he almost fucked it up by moving Skarre before throwing Admonition on his Deathjack, but it was 0.5 mm in and he took me down.
Then of course I counter feated and positioned, and he had a turn of not doing much, but he managed to kill my Ragman and put up Death Ward on his Deathjack so I was screwed. The rest of the game was me trying to clock him out by surviving and preventing a scenario win, and I almost pulled it off. In the final turn my three Necrotechs failed spectacularly at repairing the Kraken and his Nightmare took it down, but he had 1.01 minute left on the clock when he won on scenario.
Highlights include my Bloat Thrall charging his Leviathan and dealing it seven damage with PS 10, and then Holm having to throw the Bloat away with his Leviathan, because killing it in melee wasn’t an option with that POW 14 death blast!
Game 3 Vs. Gil Surepi
This was the only game I had that wasn’t that much fun. I couldn’t drop Asphyxious1 into Butcher3, and with a Kraken being un-featable I couldn’t protect my main asset from his many hard hitters (Fenris, Drakhun, Great Bears etc.). I also misinterpreted and misremembered a few rules about Admonition again (I really need to read up on that spell) which caused some less than optimal decisions.
I still could have pulled it out of my ass at several points in the game, but then the dice decided they would add to my misery. Eiryss survived two POW 8 and a POW 7 blast, allowing her to Eiryss bomb my Kraken so I couldn’t clear his hard hitters, and Madelyn survived an entire turn of the Kraken shooting at her and a scrap blowing up on her.
If either of those attempts had worked I could have pulled a win, but as neither did I got assassinated. It has to be said that even if they had worked I would have been hard pressed, but it was impossible when they failed. Gil was happy about it and with CP as the first tie breaker he eventually went on to place 2nd.
It’s the eternal debate about CP/SoS. Our TO either invented or read about a new variant of SoS where you only get SoS for the games in which you lose, which seems like something I could get behind, and the more I think about it the more sense it makes. I don’t like SoS, and I don’t like CP, but this new SoS seems promising.
The only good thing about losing was, that now Holm and Gil had to play against each other, and Gil took down Holms Skarre2 as well, thus ‘winning’ Svenne back for Denmark!
The first day was over, and true to this being the year of ‘fuck it!’ I went out drinking with the others. First we had food and beers with the Swedes, but when they chickened out to go sleep like little girls the party went ape! At about 3 in the morning we rolled a dice to decide if we were going to stay out all night drinking, or go home and sleep, and thank god it came up ‘sleep’!
Four hours later we got up to play again. Mikkel and Jan remained undefeated at that point, and eventually played the finals against each other, with Jan taking the trophy after Mikkel did all the hard work knocking out the Swedes. Jan played five games and ended all of them with less than 4 minutes left on his clock, and he played the entire finals with one box left on his caster after a turn1 assassination attempt.
I was matched up against Nicolaj ‘Nixon’ Hansen from my own meta, and he had absolutely no answer to my Asphyxious1 list. It was glorious… well for me at least, but I digress.
Game 4 Vs. Nicolaj ‘Nixon’ Hansen
I get the first turn and I run up like crazy, parking my Slayers in wrecks and again rolling crazy dice for the Necrotechs spawning Scraps. Nixon moves up cautiously while making sure he couldn’t get charged, but he didn’t count on my Slayer artillery!
I assign all my focus, run up Scrap Thralls, and begin chucking them at his army. The Infiltrators are all but wiped out, a MHA dies to a direct hit from a Scrap, and I feat to double BoC his Halberdiers wiping out about half of them. It’s utter chaos over there, and Nixon is just staring at army while it rains undead bombs from the skies.
Then Nixon has the worst turn of dice I think I’ve ever seen in Warmachine. Absolutely nothing works, almost nothing hits, and what few attacks do connect roll mores ones than one could realistically expect to roll during the entire event. I’m not saying he stood a chance at winning the game, but with that turn he faced total annihilation.
At this point I had won two games with Asphyxious1 and lost two with Skarre2, so I decided I would play Asphyxious1 in the final game no matter what I was going up against. This might have been a rash decision, but it’s the year of ‘fuck it!’ so when my opponent is list locked into Asphyxious2 I look him in the eye and go: I know what I should play, but I also know what I’m going to play!
Game 5 Vs. Morgan Åkerson
Fielding seven Slayers into 40-something weapon masters seemed like an unwinnable fight, and as it turned out it was, but I got waaaay closer than I thought possible. Morgan had been playing a year so he had the basics nailed down and didn’t mess up, but he hadn’t reached the level of understanding he needed to steamroll me, so we had an actual game!
I get to go first again and do what I’ve done the other games, which is trying to make the scenario work for me with cover available where I want it. Against Asphyxious2 that was less relevant as the only ranged attacks he had were Nyss Hunters who ignore it anyway (10 Thralls, 10 Knights, Nyss Hunters, and standard support). Now any game against Asphyxious2 I’ve ever played has been super dull, but not this one!
I had an assassination attempt on my turn two. He was bare-assed on a hill, and Cankerworm could remove the two models I needed to clear in order to get my Arc Node within 4, so of course I had to go for it. Canker cleans the room and moves out of the way, the Deathripper runs in and it’s four POW 12 hits with one boost. The first BoC does no damage, the second BoC does 1 damage, so I call of the attempt because it’s super unlikely to work now and I might get a shot later on.
With that out of the way it’ back to throwing scraps and doing weird shit. Cankerworm gets nuked by the WSC and turned into a Stalker, and his dice go fucking crazy. Morgan was a great sport about it, and even offered to switch dice at several points during the game, as he consistently rolled 9+ to hit and I consistently failed even the most basic attempts at anything. It got to a point where I just sat around giggling when he accidentally killed my Deathripper with Vengeance moves, and instead had to charge a Slayer with the WSC and turn it into a Leviathan.
He cleaned out one zone and scored 2 points, then I cleaned out the other zone and scored two. Then he nuked two Slayers in my zone with charging Nyss and scored to 4, and I couldn’t do anything about him winning, but I could lose 4-5 with ease… I thought. The WSC turns a Slayer into his Slayer, marking the third time he pulled Dark Industries in a single game, and he actually didn’t have many models left in the end that didn’t use to belong to me, but he did have his feat intact so it’s not like I was winning anyway.
Now before I continue you need to know how much I hated Admonia in that game. I just couldn’t kill her no matter what I did, and 2/3 Dark Industries should never have happened. I tried everything, and then I finally land a direct hit with a Scrap Thrall and I roll 4 damage!!! Then 4-5 POW 8 blast damage attempts fail to roll the 9 I need to kill her, and melee attacks miss her left and right, so I added killing her to the list of things I needed to do in the final round to go out in style.
- Get a Leviathan out of my zone.
- Get Cylena out of my zone.
- Get a WSC member on 1 box out of my zone.
- Kill Admonia (she was right outside my zone).
I load my last remaining Slayer to full, and he fucking chucks the Leviathan in Admonias stupid face, killing her with a ton of metal… survive that you explicit deleted god damn explicit deleted explicit deleted! My remaining Necrotech considers charging Cylena but reconsiders and instead walks up to the wreck she’s in and turns it into four Scrap Thralls standing all around her, and I send in my last Scrap Thrall to start the chain reaction of fucking apocalyptic doom and destruction on her!
The only thing left to do is kill Malevolus who’s on 1 box. I charge in Asphyxious1 and boost to hit, needing an eight on three dice (miss), buy an attack and boost (miss), buy an attack (miss). Those were the dice I had all game, and the only remaining model I have left in my Skarlock… now you might think this is a story about the heroic Skarlock saving the day, but no… it’s the story about the Skarlock missing and me ending on 2 CP.
You would think I was going to be angry about having shit dice all game and ending it like that, but I was bathing in the warm happy glow of ‘fuck it!’ and I didn’t care one bit, which is a novel feeling to say the least. My opponent was an amazing guy, we had an amazing game, and it finished in a spectacularly amusing way. We had a lot of laughs, and I overheard him on the phone later telling someone he had just played the best/funniest game ever, which is what the year of ‘fuck it!’ is all about.
In the car home we talked a lot about the tournament of course, but also about what lists we would try out next. I was personally trying to put together a meat mountain list for Cryx, and a new ranged list, since everyone is playing Deneghra1 ranged these days and I suffer badly from snowflake-syndrome, when one of the lads asked me if I still owned all my old Legion, since I could easily build both a ranged list and some semi-meat mountain with what I own there.
I went straight home and dug out my Legion, and true enough I have nearly all the models I would need to run double Warspears + double Gatormen Posse with Thagrosh1. I need to buy two Warspear Unit Attachments and thats it, so it’s time for some infidelity methinks! I still have my cavalry as well, so I can play Legion in the coming oktoberfest tournament if I want. Right now my table is full of models I need to put together, but since there’s no painting requirement I’ll be ready for it!